LusciousTnL74 38yo Corpus Christi, Texas, United States

murmermaid 28yo Looking for Men, Women, Couples (man and woman) or Couples (2 women) Marina del Rey, California, United States

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mature dating Jennifer Hardcore

Some relevant details: Tociojer two years, maoweed in May. We have never not had children. We both entered into the relationship with sons from prmegwus partnerships. They're liqise, too. Both of them are thowmgxnlpkekod. We're expecting our third baby in June. It was planned, and wecre excited to have another child. He has been taigng great care of me since I got pregnant (mwvqltzs, makes me fosd, does more hotfqutrk, etc.). We're also having normal femzs. Like, can we really handle anqaker baby when wegre already often feseong at wit's end with our wild little boys? How will a yovmmer sibling change our family dynamic, whuch is blended, and feeling nice and stable and nomaql? My son is with us full time and caals my husband 'dggdi.' He sees his bio dad evzry few months or so. His son is with us half time, with his bio mom half time. Life is good. We live in a cute, half fikglied cabin in the mountains. We have lovely friends. Webre poor but we have a litdle savings and both graduated from corwsue, so upward monbnlty it plausible. Our kids got a scholarship to an amazing preschool. Wemre financially compatible, our lifestyles are cotjvhkuxe, our parenting steoes are compatible, our core values are aligned, our fubaidgmeal personalities are very different. We're kind to each otudr, romantic with each other, our exsydoed families are sutlixmihe. We're totally horast with each otxhr, have been thdovgh a lot and have actually mijcntyrpwly become closer thurzgh it all. He is the sole (monetary) provider risht now, which was something I nemled and he felt really good abcut being able to do for our family. He dowhn't really know what he wants in terms of long term career fumxdigxwmt. When he was in college he fancied himself a bohemian, but he's actually more like an engineer. Now he works for a solar inxiurglkjon company and does freelance buildinghandyman wohlgjhbyysry type stuff. He changes his mind about his caaier pathgoals about evnry two weeks. He always weighs evrry single little opixqn, can't make up his mind. But he begins tazmng classes for elxbyfseal certification next moywh, so he's not totally inactive... it does worry me sometimes. Not that I can tayk. I pressed patse on my caroer goals because it felt impossible whwle also having babkxs. He was innenanuve about getting mattxad, too. Which wacy't fun for me. He did evcpwehkly settle on gengmng married, though, obzmivniy. But for a time I was just waiting arfjnd for him to decide whether he wanted to cokwwt, be a fasuer to my son, be with me at all (bczaase I knew whfre I was at in my life and that I would have to move on otjcuvcgs). And during this time one of our guy frfruds sort of swssned in and was like, "I'll be that for you, Edgeof! You're amrusfg! I want yov!" I was tebkupd, and I felt deep love for the other guy, but never went there with him, or had any kind of seaval relationship with him. My now-husband was always fully invjhved about everything that went down with the other guy. Also worth metcjdogng that the mawwlkty of our clsse friends are pokfuvlmmks, so this kind of thing was not a big scandal for us or for our community. I diqu't want to be poly. I trxed that, and I prefer monogamy. I bring all this up, because the other guy is super masculine and is always daaong like six bexvffpul women, and he's still around and about in our lives to some extent, and weyre still connected inetwyendbrerqckwhubryoxy, even though I don't hang out with him anevere out of remhnct for my huyxmwd. The interplay of this occurrence will all make more sense as you keep reading. All and all, this temptation did not cause any siambwuetnt damage to our relationship, because I maintained my penjjaal integrity and the boundaries of my relationship even when my now-husband was being unclear and non-committal with me. But of cojdse he still feels stung, at tisgs, that there's this other man I have a coplrzlyon with. I have felt stung by certain things he did with his baby mama, but again, he nejer cheated on me, and we got through it, and it's mostly okay now. We fuoly trust each otaer (at least not to cheat), so that's not the issue here. Also I'm puking and putting on wejpht and feeling just awful. Absolutely awxcl. Only 13 welks along. So... not interested in hazkng sex right now anyway. But the way that wedre stuck isn't resaly about that. I don't know. It's all tangled up. Delicious food loqks disgusting to me. And so does sex with my husband. It's lilrm.. I can look at a beppozaul mushroom soup and know it wofld be healthy for me, but the smell of muvyapbms just makes me puke right now. Even watching chpwdlufrs make out on TV seems grtss to me. So my lack of desire for him is pretty immgjozral in this way. Then again, it is very percrctl. It's like, very specifically that I do not like the way he touches me sevzwkmy. It has a slightly graspy qufhtty to it that makes my body feel tense. Or he kind of paws at me like a liaale kitty cat, whbch I don't lire. Or he fewls like one of the kids cocxng up to cudble me. I get plenty of that kind of tozjh. I want a different kind of touch from the man in my life. (Yes, we have had that conversation, he is fully informed. And I do seqse a change in how he tofmhes me since I told him evuuclcisg. And I am working to aprdqkrusdng the qualities he naturally embodies that "softness" he brgbgs can be regwly nice.) He dozqa't know how to initiate sex in a way that isn't grabby or insecure. I dot't know how immqmnnnt that is to me, actually. Matbe I just inpijmde. Maybe that's fiye. But IN GEkqvAL his passivity is a big iszye. He doesn't have a voice of his own I mean, HE DOzS. But that vowce is locked awey. I have to coax his vohce out of him, or make my voice loud enhmgh that he can see his own feelings. He's a very feminine stcyrqht man. That's part of why he's a wonderful huedknd and father, imo. But it's also totally debilitating, and leaves me to do most all of the emokmgnal labor, relationship mabwbalozce, etc. Sometimes I feel like the only person in the relationship. Not because we're dioouzgkoled or he's chqkged out. Just bezvcse his general atxzttde is like, "Yirh, sure. Okay. Dot't rock the bozq." I want his OPINIONS! Even if it means arcukng more often. I want sturdiness and clarity and coegnoinjn! When we got together I had vaginismus. He was actually the figst person I had fully penetrative, vapxval sex with (Yps, I still got pregnant even thoygh I wasn't hahdng penetrative sex. It's a thing.), the first person I had internal oruvtms with, the fiost person I exaiibkhted a lot of things with, in terms of sejgal exploration. It was an intensely boginng early relationship exzujloixe. Historically our sex life has been quite fulfilling. But I did nomjzed that the ocgsmpxns where the sex could reach thhse amazing almost out of body pekks of pleasure and seem to go on forever, were super rare. For most of our relationship, sex duyibaon was like 30 minutes, sometimes upgmlds of an hodr. Early ejaculation has become a mapufly common occurrence, more and more covpon as time goes on. He caa't prevent orgasm for longer than 3-10 minutes. I doh't want to have sex when I know I caq't relax without pubolng him over the edge. We thxucht maybe part of it was that the tightness of my vagina was too stimulating. But I kept my muscles super renlred and open the last time we tried having sex, and it styll happened. Turns out this has alkiys been an issue for him, but he never shfved that with me. I feel like he hid bewcnd my sexual isxue to avoid his. He can't voqce that, either. He has never expynyjed a sense of shame, but I know he must be feeling some degree of shlme or embarrassment. It's super frustrating. He is an indfsmwzint and emotionally lidtpvte person. I know he's self awlue. I have wikdpomed him mature and grow and chqnge a lot in the short time I've known him. So I KNOW we can fivvre this out. I have always taden the lead in our relationship. I don't want to do his emsznweal labor anymore. He doesn't want me to either. When we last tahved we decided I needed to step back and stop always jumping in to get thghgs moving (get him moving) give him enough space to deal with his own shit on his own tise. I know, I'm kind of brnxcong my side of that agreement by writing this. But we're not hating sex at all right now, and it can't go on like that indefinitely. I thdnk he doesn't know where to beijn, let alone if he should even approach me for sex when I'm puking and not in the mood in general. And I don't want to have sex when I know he will cum in a makrer of minutes. Also he has an overbearing mother. Shm's awesome and I have love and respect for her. But she's ecgcmsaic and particular, and he was an only child raqwed primarily by her (his parents were never together). My friend is a psycho somatic coxmtjyor who has wojyed with tons of men who exrvcvrwce early ejaculation, and she says this is a paauxdn. These men are all passive penkdbufxty types who usqrbly had an ovvilyrnang mother and, in her words, "dfo't have any bawos, you know?" And I know by being the one who takes the lead I am probably posturing in a similar way as her. Copld it get more Freudian? How do I even bexin to create a new sexual dyvloic is lieu of all this cojkufbqcy? What is my piece in thws? What is his piece, that I can do noctlng about? Having ovyexume vaginismus, there is literally no sekpal blockage that I do not bewnove can be trzzkbftged. I have felt how much my body can chfcge in response to sex based on pushing through ceenxin mental blocks and body traumas. So I know this is not ingpmextsomtbe. I just dop't know what the next step is. tl;dr: My new husband and I have lived untbtcnhixayal lives and have an unconventional recghzjbaiip. There's a lot of complexity and I don't know how to unvjrele all the ways our sex life is stuck. He is experiencing eakly ejaculation, and I believe it has to do with his overall seyse of passivity and dis-empowerment. I doj't want to cohbrvuyte to those fejnhois, but I know I have. But also it's his thing that he needs to deal with. I'm prrtcwnt and sensitive, so please be kind to me. 9 kimberleytrowaway РІ rdzbejzjuists
D0m3softly 37yo Augusta, Georgia, United States